Releasing a Passion for Life

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Kambo came into my life as a calling.  It was my time.  Within a 1 week period, I was advised by 3 different people, relatively unconnected, to contact a Shaman in Prague to attend a Kambo ceremony.  At the time I was determined to stop smoking once and for all.

Having been a practicing Yogi for over 8 years, I found myself feeling completely at odds with my practice and my lifestyle.  Despite making many changes to my behavior and habits, smoking was still a crutch I was carrying and enjoying.  I particularly enjoyed the social side of smoking, especially in Prague where smoking was, until very recently, still legal indoors and where cannabis is also legal.  Increasingly aware of the anxiety caused by cannabis mixed with tobacco and alcohol, and following an epileptic fit, although I do not have epilepsy, I realized it was absolutely time to let these behavior patterns go completely.  Over the years I have tried meditations, hypnosis, regression, cold turkey and western methods of patches, tablets, gum and vaporizing, all with little success.

Here is where everyone talks about willpower and how you need to only make the choice blah blah blah.  I have strong willpower and courage.  I know what I can achieve.  Smoking was not connected to willpower for me.  It was connected to a deeply hidden desire in the subconscious to live or die.  I have brought this desire further and further out into my conscious mind over the years and overcome many of the obstacles I had at some time created in my health and behavior due to a refusal to accept life.  As a child I had decided that humanity did not deserve to live, that humanity reflected the habits of a virus and I wanted no part of the system.  This had been covered over in the deep recesses of my mind and had been causing ill health and chaos until slowly exposed and re-evaluated as an adult.  Now the smoking hook had to be released.  It had no place in my new desire for life, for passionately living a joyful and healthy existence.  Despite many meditations and other practices, the hook of death still had a hold on me.

I kept thinking I needed a system reset.  To go back to the feelings I had as a child when I detested smoking for the disgusting stench and chemicals that it is.  I was told that Kambo can offer this.  It can offer a full system reset.  So I contacted the shaman and agreed to meet beforehand where she explained many things about the ceremony.  It sounded like the kind of cleanse I needed and the stories I had heard from friends convinced me that this was what I had been asking the universe for.

The day before the ceremony I sat and thought clearly about my intentions.  At first, I thought simply about stopping smoking but as I sat to write my intention I realized it was much bigger than this.  My intention was not only to stop smoking but to release all blocks that prevented me from living my potential.  As I sat and called upon the ascended masters for guidance, archangels and elemental creatures, spirits of nature and beings of love and light to assist me in this ceremony, it became clear to me that the intention was to surrender my mind to serve my soul and to heal and strengthen my body to embody my soul.  Smoking was an important feature of the overall intention but was not the full picture.  I felt incredibly calm and peaceful as I enjoyed this clarity of focus.

The next day the ceremony took place in Prague with 8 other people.  I tried not to have any expectations but found it difficult not to expect pain and suffering as I had been told it can be a difficult process.  In reality, I didn’t actually suffer at all.  I did vomit a lot and didn’t stop when everyone else did.  I actually continued vomiting all day and evening, several hours after the ceremony had finished and struggled to make my way home.  Part of me found the whole situation rather amusing.  I took a tram and immediately had to get off, projectile vomiting as the doors opened to be shouted at in the street by a rather annoyed Czech woman.  I managed to make my way to a Park where I sat beneath a tree, meditating between vomiting and taking a light nap until the ominous clouds overhead made me leave the safe haven and once again walk the streets in an attempt to get home.  After calling a friend to assist me, I was able to relax more and enjoy the rain as we walked together back to my home.  I knew this whole scene would amuse me when I didn’t feel so ill, and so it does now when I look back.

The next day I immediately detested smoking.  Whilst this has come and gone in waves, my clarity and commitment to a healthy lifestyle have stayed. I have been craving healthy food, all veg, fruit, and smoothies.  After several days I ate meat again and suffered for 2 days with terrible stomach aches.  All my life I have found the eating of meat a strange practice but often do it when I am with family and they have cooked a meal.  As I sat to eat, I thought, I would rather drink only water than eat meat.  The next two days I suffered such pain that I was sure I would not eat meat again, or certainly not in large quantities.

In the days and weeks that followed, I remembered a moment where a clear message had come to me during the ceremony.  What if I already was living my full potential?  This made me realize that what I achieved was not the point.  I always knew that joy was to be found in the doing, in the process, in the moment but I somehow couldn’t bring this into reality.  It was a known concept, something to strive for, but somehow not embodied.  Following the frog, it became easy to prioritize joy in the moment, to switch on the senses and embrace the ordinary with life.  It became natural, not even considered anymore but lived.  Smoking and habits that were previously obstacles to joy and the senses, were and still are easily pushed aside as momentary ghosts of past behaviors.

I still feel the Kambo at work in my life and offer my gratitude consciously.  I am looking forward to the next ceremony and subsequent cleanse.

-Lisa Marie